Saturday, March 8, 2008

Jenny and the Japanese Sleeping Bag Sequence

Its almost eleven pm, granted that's not actually late however I am an eighty five year old trapped in a twenty four year old body... and I hate karaoke.
I have fantastic neighbours, really, without them my desire to write would be on par with my desire to spend every weekend watching sport, interspersed with the odd rerun of an Australian soap opera - sounds just thrilling doesn't it?
So next door we have Ms Tiggy Winkle, about 55 - definitely single - wears her hair in a practical bob and carries a basket when she leaves every morning, completely obsessed with her wreck of a beaten up uno. This fascinating lady has a big, bright blue car cover, that she insists on stretching over her aforementioned crappy excuse for a car every time she so much as brakes. She has these rituals, every evening she returns home at precisely the same time, she then arranges her basket for a good 15 minutes while I wrestle a determined three year old out of a car seat on the other side of our laughable excuse for a parking lot. As soon as I have the beautiful monster out of the car Tiggy goes "be a dear wont you and help me stretch this cover on quickly, Jenny gets awfully cold at night"
Okay - First, be a dear???????? who are you anyway and what planet did you fall off?
Second, Jenny??? and there I was the entire time, mistaking your precious donkey for a fucking uno.
and she smells of potatoes.
Just across the garden and one floor up we have a generous helping of aspiring rock stars, or to be more precise, aspiring donkey impressionists with a taste for screeching violins and dramatic triangle pieces. Perhaps Jenny is a result of an unfortunate accident on the second floor?!
I must find out how they fit so many people into a one bed flat, it may come in handy one day when I move to Japan.
If anyone can tell me where one finds Celine Dion lyrics in Hindi and with interesting triangle additions I would be most obliged, after all, I cant sue without contact details.
To quote from a song I sincerely hope is yet to be translated into 107 international languages... "Welcome to the jungle"

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